My sweet little baby boy,
Let’s go back, WAY back to your conception. It was August of 2013 and your Daddy and I had just completed the guest bedroom in our first home in San Diego. We used reclaimed wood from an old fence to make a “wood wall” in the bedroom. It looked amazing, and as I stood there smiling at the finished product I heard a voice, if you will, tell me that this would be my sons room. I was not pregnant, nor was I planning to be, as Harlow was quite the handful already so I brushed it off. When the Blue Moon in August arrived, your tiny yet powerful soul chose us to be your parents, this was not planned, and it took a while for us to embrace that we were yet again going to be parents for the second time. As we found ourselves one month from your estimated arrival date, we swore you were coming early.. I walked a lot along the beach in Carlsbad and chased your sister Harlow around the sand, botanical gardens and playgrounds, thinking you were going to fall out at any moment. Because Harlow’s birth had been quite exhausting and traumatic, I made every effort to make this birth perfect, calm, and easy. I wanted a home birth, and after lots of hard work, I made that a possibility. I found a midwife who was more than on the same page as I, and I prepared for your arrival. I collected all my crystals, chakra candles, loving notes from my circle of women and chose which songs I wanted to hear. I hung my labor flags, taped reminders to breathe and smile, as well as photos to the wall. The birth pool was blown up and ready to be filled.. we patiently waited for you. Patience that lasted 10 days past your estimated arrival date, and included eating pineapple, dates, cinnamon, evening primrose oil, laughing with friends, dance parties to mommy’s favorite band and rolling on the excersize ball.
At last, after many practice rounds and phone calls to everyone on my birth team, what felt like true labor started. At around 8:30pm my surges were 10 minutes apart and steady, so I rang my birth team, turned up my music, took a shower, and put a little bit of makeup on for your possible arrival! Just as the real deal got going and surges were lasting longer, we discovered a hole in the big beautiful inflated birth tub, and I called Michele our midwife to let her know. She stopped at Home Depot on the way to the house to grab tarps so that I could still fill the tub and birth in it, but after about 30 minutes of trying to come up with a remedy and packing a bag between surges because we had talk of the possibility of driving over to the new (not actually open yet) birth center.. I rang Michele yet again and said “forget the tarp, I think you need to get here!” She was so calm and cheerful, it helped to keep me calm and happy! I decided to just go with the flow, and your daddy, my mom (your Lolli), and your sweet cousin Ashleigh were so helpful and brought all 20+ candles, my crystals, and prayer flags brought upstairs to the bedroom so that I could still have my water birth in the bathtub if need be.
Sometime around 9pm my amazing birth team arrived. First to arrive was Michele, my wonderful midwife which was a relief, and I felt like this was really happening! Michele checked us and we had a moment of fear when we were unable to find your heartbeat, and then finally heard it, noticing that it had slowed quite a bit. For a brief moment I saw our home birth slipping out of my hands, but Michele was so assuring and calm when she said you were fine and that you were most likely responding the the chaos of the birth tub mishap. Shortly after, my soul sisters Lauren and Angela arrived with giant smiles and warm hugs. Next was Amber, our photographer, who had the most calm and warm energy and was quiet as a mouse! I hardly knew she was filming most of the time, which was awesome because I never felt like I was “on camera”. Upstairs in our bedroom, we had the most sacred space being held. Stars were on the ceiling from Harlow’s star light, candles flickered and danced as I rocked back and forth with each surge to calming music. We all laughed as we put on temporary tattoos with encouraging conscious sayings on our bodies. Mine said “I AM”. I kept moving, swaying and rocking as I knew it would help you move down gently and easily. With every surge I took in a deep breath to give you and I a cleansing breath of fresh oxygen. Every few surges I picked up a new crystal that had been charged in the light of the full moon just a week or so earlier. I breathed deep and cleansing breaths during each surge and relaxed my jaw, face, hands, and entire body to hold the space for you to move down. At around 11pm surges were 5 minutes apart and very strong. A message was sent to my friends and family near and far who all lit a candle and sent good energy our way for our labor and birth. I felt completely supported, loved and was able to smile, laugh and even dance in between and during our surges. Lauren, Angela, Lolli(my mom) and daddy took turns massaging my back during surges which helped alleviate the pressure of the surges a lot! Lolli did energy work on us the entire evening. I asked for few moments alone with daddy, and during that intimate time that were were sharing, the rest of my birth team worked hard to try and fill the tub downstairs in the back yard. They lit candles and burned palo santo (again because I had already burned it) to cleanse the space so that I could make my way down to birth in the tub as we had planned for so long. During that time I also asked daddy to fill the bathtub just in case. I had a moment of nausea, but didn’t need the bowl (thank goodness and peppermint essential oil).. I shed a few tears as transition set in and every surge from then on took me to my hands and knees. We had 3-4 surges on my hands and knees and I decided I wanted to be in water so I climbed in the warm shallow bath tub, surrounded by candles and my rose quartz crystal lamp which invites loving energy to the space. I had one surge on my hands and knees once I was in the water and then a pretty long lull. I was afraid the water had slowed our progress so I lifted my belly out of the water and immediately another strong surge came. I rolled onto my belly to try and float, had another surge there..this one I felt my body beginning to push. I let this surge and the next naturally push, breathing through each as they were long and intense. The next one came fast, almost on top of the last and I rolled on my back as I felt the urge to bear down and push. Daddy and Lolli were right there by my side encouraging me and reminding me to relax and surrender. Michele came into the bathroom and asked if I would like to go downstairs to the birthing pool, to which I replied that I could feel your head coming. One last surge and you arrive earth side, peacefully and gently into the water. I felt as if I was having an out of body experience, and Michele told me to reach down and pick you up. I asked her to help me bring you to my chest, and when she did, we were all surprised to learn you were still in the caul! My sacred little soul, of course you were! I completely fell in love with you, caul still covering you, and slowly removed it from your face and down your back. Daddy was nervous that I was taking too long and almost reached in and took it off himself! It took you almost a minute to take your first breath, mostly because your arrival was so gentle and calm, I’m not sure you knew you were actually here yet. When you cried out, it was the most beautiful sound. You were finally in my arms!
7 pounds 4 ouches and 20 inches long, with no name yet (it took us over a week to decide), but we finally decided on Taj Ezra. Taj meaning “crown” in persian and Ezra meaning “help”. We believe you are a very sacred soul on a powerful journey here earth side. You Taj, will move mountains, be a leader and a great teacher of love.
Some say that a child born this way may have special intuitive powers, be destined to be natural healers. Their purpose is to serve Mankind and to guide men and women to understand themselves, the world and universe within which we live.
In many cultures they’re considered to be “Kings by Right”. This is one of the reasons why Buddhist groups, to this very day seek out Caulbearers to be brought up to become Dalai Lamas.
Again, welcome sweet Taj, you are destined for a sacred powerful life filled with endless love and adventure.
Please take a moment to view Taj’s birth film, shot and edited by the wonderful Amber Roberston of Labor of Love Birth Photography. Also visit Lavender Moon Midwifery and let Michele know she has my heart for the rest of our days. A phenomenal midwife and soul sister.